I had been practicing for the last half-hour and I was getting pretty good, but my movements were still short of graceful. Oh well, I thought, it'll have to do. Alyssa was dressed in tight jeans, a ten-gallon hat; the party wasn't going as well as I had hoped. Guys were hitting on me, left and right. The room was really crowded and I had a tough time getting around because of my small size. When I did bother to venture through the crowd to go to the keg or the bathroom, I risked getting groped and my butt had been squeezed twice. I was ready to step back into my bigger stronger body and leave this cute little existence behind. Halfway through the party a drunken Stephanie came to me, saying, "MY sword beats your magic wand, little Princess, that's cause my swords real and your wand is just a fantasy." "What are you talking about?" I asked."Do you want to know a secret? Come here!" she said gesturing with her finger. I leaned in closer and Stephanie whispered in my ear, "I don't want. They 'dish.' It means 'to engage in empty speech.'" Oh," Kim said. She probably doubted that I would utter such an insulting remark. But if Tess said it was sexist, then that's what it must be."Christ!" I complained. "Everybody has to throw off on the poor little white boy. I'm soooooo sorry I used that awful, patronizing word. I wasn't aware of all its deeper connotations... I just heard it somewhere -- maybe on 'The View.' The real reason I'm offering to stay here is so that the four of you won't have to dumb down your conversation to make me feel comfortable." You're coming with us!" Tess said. "You look OK -- really! And I'm very confident that Bonnie and Jackie Lee are expecting you to be there. They'll be disappointed if you don't show."Well, I went. And Bonnie showed up in a minivan with room for all five of us, and drove us down the coast a few miles to a gorgeous beachside restaurant with a veranda on the oceanfront that was as long as a football field.The food was.
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